Next week I will have been married to the same man for 34 years. That’s a pretty significant chunk of time. Much of it has gone well, some of it has not. Am I glad I married him? Absolutely. But today, I am thinking about what has made the worst times happen.
Things that have made my marriage occasionally suck:
- Getting in stupid fights over things that don’t matter. (We spent a whole evening arguing over a math theorem once)
- Losing my temper. (I’m a curser and door slammer. He’s a sulker.)
- Somebody not saying “I’m sorry” soon enough (him and me both) and meaning it
- Somebody not responding with “it’s okay” soon enough (him and me both) and meaning it
That’s pretty much it. If we could have gotten those down a little better, it would have been an easier 34 years.
Things that have NOT made my marriage worse:
- The amount of money we did or did not have
- Who else in the world got married, didn’t get married, or wanted to get married
- Any government policy regarding marriage, or in fact any government policy at all
- How other married people behaved or didn’t behave
- Actually …. what anyone else in the whole world did or did not do
Why is that so hard for those trying to protect the sanctity of my marriage to understand?