Happy yet? Yes, I believe that I am.

Today is Christmas, a day in which much of the western world wishes each other joy. We do this while congregating together for hours on end while eating too much, often drinking too much and sometimes setting unrealistic expectations about gifts, camaraderie and good cheer.

mind unleashed 1It was in the midst of such a Christmas day today, with my second Kentucky Mule in hand, my signature dish boiling over on the stove and a pile of dirty dishes that would daunt a restaurant staff in front of me, that I realized I was happy.

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a blinding revelation. I’m generally content, and I understand that I’ve been blessed with too many blessings to count. It was just one of those moments when one realizes that these are the good times. My family is here and healthy. A new boyfriend, included today as a first time guest, is not only pleasant, but he’s a great cook. Our problems are tiny, our love is big, and all the little hassles of the day are just that. They don’t matter.

sungazing6It’s true that drama makes for a more memorable holiday.  We all remember the Christmas when Aunt Dorothy …. Whether we laugh or still wince about that memory is up to us. Today left us with little to remark upon in later years, because great food and kind remarks don’t make huge inroads into your recollections. They just describe a day that goes well.

The happy realization came when it occurred to me that someday, maybe in the far future, when I am searching my memories for the times that were really good, this will be one of them.

Three years ago I wrote a blog post called Happy Now? I started with this:

When I was in grade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wrote down happy.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment,
I told them they didn’t understand life.
—  author unknown

(Voted #6 in the list of best happiness quotes ever over at The Board of Wisdom. Check them out here)

I still think it is a great quote, and I’m inclined to agree with the author. And you know what? I’m all grown up now and it looks like today, I got to be want I wanted.

 

Read my original post Happy Now? written after the 2012 holidays.

Going Crazy

Psychedelic 2Somewhere between meaningless uses of the word like “I’m crazy about you” and serious, perhaps even crippling, mental health issues is a world of sort-of-comic, sort-of-sad neurotic behavior that we lightly refer to as crazy. We use it to mean that you (or I) have crossed that fuzzy boundary that surrounds normal and you (or I) are now happily dancing around naked in pig shit singing songs from “The Sound of Music” while making funny faces. You know, crazy.

This wanton disregard for how one is expected to behave can be brought on by exhaustion, alcohol, drugs, elation or deep disappointment. Anything that knocks one out of one’s normal orbit will do. For me, it’s finishing a book. I mean totally calling it done, putting out there for anyone to buy, read, hate, love or ignore. There is something so raw about that act, so trusting and so daring, that it makes everything else seem silly.

word porn 2I’m having trouble eating and sleeping and concentrating. I don’t care what I’m wearing or how I look or what the damn bank statement says because I haven’t even opened it. All I care about right now is that somebody, anybody, reads my new book and says something. Nothing else matters. This book is everything.

Luckily, this is the fourth time I’ve done this, and so I am little more prepared. I know the craziness will pass. I’ll get back to bill paying and basic hygiene and maybe even schedule that dental check-up I put off the whole time I was writing it. Before too long, some people will praise my new book and a few will not and most people will never hear of it because that is that way of a self-published author. Knowing all this, will I write another?

I’m 30,000 words into book five and counting. Hey, I had to do something while book four was going through its final proofreads. By the way, I love this new fifth story even more. I can’t wait to publish it.

(Please drop by Facebook and give Psychedelic Adventure and Word Porn each a like for their clever posters shared here. If you are feeling especially kind or curious, you can check out c3, that fourth book, here.)