Lately I have been absorbed by the idea that each of us is less an entity and more a sort of probability cloud. Those closest to me cannot say with absolute certainty how I will behave under a certain set of circumstances. They can, however, make a good guess and they will be right more often than not.
Does not being totally predictable make me wishy-washy? Inconsistent? Or does it confirm that I am multifaceted and even intriguingly complex? It probably depends on who you ask. The fact is, none of us are the same person day in and day out. We have our moods. Wisps of memories become unexpected triggers and we say things that are rather out of character. We love papaya but for some reason cannot stand the taste of mango. Let’s face it, we are each kind of sort of a certain way, but not always, and never completely.
I like this idea of a probability cloud as it applies to all kinds of things. d4 has forced me to think hard about the future, and to speculate on the extent to which it is firmly fixed and the degree to which it is ruled by wild chaos. Neither end of the spectrum feels like truth, and I go with a universe in which order and the unexpected strive for balance. I think it has to do with the ways in which the macroscopic world mirrors the microscopic and perhaps even the telescopic as we all go whirling through space kind of sort of in a particular location, moving in a certain direction, but never absolutely so.
The other day my husband did something odd. I don’t remember what it was, partly because it is his personality to behave a little erratically. What I do remember is his response to my “what was that about?”
“I want to keep you on your toes,” he laughed. “I don’t ever want to become too predictable.” He needn’t worry, he never will. Remaining hard to predict is part of who he is. I wouldn’t expect anything else, even though maybe every once in awhile I should.